


Taking a Dump

by A26



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Cop Levi, Crack, Ererijean Threesome, Eruri Angst, Kissing, M/M, Schlong Dongadoodles and Man Noodles, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 16:05:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6862282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A26/pseuds/A26
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr Drabble Dump!</p><p>Each chapter is a different story, some short, some longer. </p><p>Just like poos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dancing Puns

I nestle into my jacket and pull my scarf up over my nose, waiting patiently at the station for my train. A quick check of my phone to see whether Eren is on his way yet and he’s just confirmed. That and my train is here too. I can’t wait. I haven’t seen him in months while he’s been on tour in the Middle East, but now, he’s finally coming home for good.

Following our reunion, which involved multiple displays a little too graphic to be permitted in public, we find ourselves sat comfortably beside his suitcase in the outside patio of a restaurant while we wait for our next train. It will be a good hour before we can head back south to our home city, so we catch up, kiss, hold hands and generally get re-acquainted with one another.

He tells me all about his travels across the desert and his operations out in the gulf and I tell him about how my recent show has been going.

“How has your ankle been?” Eren asks, I shrug.

“It’s better. I had to stop dancing for two weeks after the show. It was tough but at least I had time to heal.” I explained casually. I was performing in our final show of Giselle and my ankle had almost given out. I danced through it, as you do. Being lead male, I had little choice, especially through the last act of the final show. It earned me a few good reviews at any rate.

Eren chuckled softly as he sipped his coffee, looking out across the train station where a collection of young men and women had gathered to perform some sort of street dance.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, the guys still find it funny when I tell them I’m married to a ballet dancer.” Eren says jovially, earning a glare from myself. “For the longest time they used to think you were a woman with a man’s name. It really took them a while to wrap their heads around it.”

“Pssht. It would. They’re all thick skulled, just like you.”

“Hey! At least I don’t wear tights to work…” Eren mumbled with a cheeky grin on his face. Challenge accepted. I don’t even care that he laughs ‘cause I’ve taken the bait. We both look out over at the dancers who are busting out all sorts of moves completely improvised. Nothing like my own form of dance with all of it’s meticulous recital.

“They keep my balls in place,” I retort. “I highly recommend them. They’re so comfortable.” I practically drawl across the table, intertwining our fingers again and gently thumbing at his wedding ring. “Kinda feels like I’m wearing nothing at all!”

“What’s the ‘pointe’ in that?” Eren wiggled his bushy brown eyebrows at me with a cheeky grin. No way in fucking hell is he beating me at my own game.

“Well, can’t ‘balancé’ very well with your nutsack all 'ouvert’ the place.”

“Touché. However that’s the one thing I’d love to see.” Eren said with a smile. Damn I’d missed those pearly whites and that ridiculous fucking stubble.

“What, my nutsack all over the shop?” I retort, earning a concerned glance from a passer-by with children.

“Well not necessarily all over the shop, more like me,” he said low, still grinning like an idiot.

“Not gonna happen.”

“You’re such a nutcracker.”

“Not funny.”

“Not as funny as asking you to pass de basket to me.” Eren said, gesturing to the bread rolls.

“It’s 'pas de basque’, idiot.”

“I was close.”

“Pfft. Remind me why the war is over again?”

“To let me torture you.” Eren said with a smile, lifting my hand to kiss the top of it.

“Fine. I’ll accept my punishment.” I’d just love to drag this man home and melt in his arms.

“Figured you might.”

“Shut up.”


	2. Space Puns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Completely unrelated to last chapter, have another drabble.

“Eren.” Armin called through the hatch.

“Yeeeess Armin?” Came the singsong response from the technician in the other room, currently floating upside down as he tended to an electrical panel.

“You’ve been in the control room again, haven’t you?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well for one thing ‘The Final Frontier’ is written on the keyboard… You know? Bottom middle key?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Armin… I’ve been testing the electrics for at least the last ten minutes.”

Armin’s eyes narrowed as he looked at his friend and colleague, his brow furrowed into an accusatory glare. “It’s written in your handwriting.”

“It’s not an inaccurate labeling…” Eren presented with a cheeky smile and a playful, upside down shrug.

“Well, no. It’s not.”

“What’s the problem then? Do you need some space?” Eren said with a simple smile, far too innocent looking to be genuinely innocent. For all of Eren’s brilliance in the field of his work, he wasn’t ever known for his wit with words, so whenever his jokes came about Armin understood it wouldn’t be long until he’d heard the usual collection. He had a limited repertoire.

“Go on. Get it out of your system.” Armin said, rolling his eyes and surrendering to Eren’s awful sense of occupational humor.

“Star or planetary?” Eren quipped with a smile. Armin didn’t justify the joke with a response, simply groaned.

“Oh c'mon Armin!” Eren called after him as the blond disappeared into the control room once more.

“Four months of this.” Armin muttered to himself. “Eject me now.”


	3. Cop!Levi

Armin’s living room had never before been so full.

Well, not including that time all of his estranged family members came around for his Grandmother’s wake, but that didn’t count, not through Armin’s eyes anyway. The sole purpose for the large gathering of young adults within this particular part of the house was in loud celebration of Armin’s best friend’s birthday. Eren was currently stood on the fireplace with a drink in his hand, the rest of their friends all gathered around on all the sofas, floors and windowsills as they chanted for the man to give a speech.

Eren simply flushed in mild embarrassment at having been put on the spot so abruptly and glared at Jean, who had started it. Mikasa was stood by his side, hiding her face in her scarf, leaning over to whisper to the brunet. “You don’t have to do a speech if you don’t want to, Eren.”

Eren shot her a glare as Jean snorted and goaded him on, asking if he was “too scared” to give “a little speechy-poo”. The only ‘speechy-poo’ Eren was 'scared’ of was being coddled by his sister in front of all his friends. So he gently pushed Mikasa away with his free and and cleared his throat loudly, silencing his chatting hoard of friends, colleagues and relatives.

“So thanks for coming, I guess, it means a lot,” he started with a smile. Jean just rolled his eyes at the sentimentality of it but held his snide remarks either way. Just as Eren was about to continue the doorbell sounded and Connie shot to his feet faster than was non-suspicious. They hadn’t ordered food, so, something was up. Eren narrowed his eyes at Jean, who just leant back into his Marco-shaped armchair with a smug grin on his face.

What the fuck was that horse face up to?

“Hello? Is there a problem, officer?” Connie’s amused voice sounded around the corridor. The group stayed as quiet as they could as they tried to overhear the conversation at the front door, Eren eyeing them all suspiciously since none of them looked concerned there was a policeman visiting the house. Especially given how loud they had been during their party as well as how late it now was.

“Good evening, I’m Officer Ackerman, can I speak with Eren Yeager please?” the low voice said from the hall. Eren gulped from his standing location, since he was effectively right on display as Connie rounded the corner with a somewhat short statured policeman in tow. He was wearing a standard hat, along with a long sleeved cotton shirt with the sleeves neatly rolled up and crisp ironed pants.

The way his sleeves were neatly folded up just past his elbows revealed his wonderfully toned forearms. Eren couldn’t help but imagine the rest of him to match. Around his waist hung a very convincing looking holster for what looked like a gun, as well as a set of cuffs on the other side.

“That’s him, Sir!” Connie pointed directly at Eren, who paled somewhat, setting his drink on the mantle and turning to glare at Jean who had begun laughing behind Eren’s back.

“Jean…” Eren asked cautiously, keeping his eyes on the shorter man. “What did you do?”

“Oh, nothing, just the usual to celebrate one’s birthday!” Jean said with a snicker of amusement.

“You hired a stripper!?” Eren demanded of him, his mouth hung open in shock. The gents (and a few of the ladies) in the room whooped and hollered and the policeman simply stood in the doorway with his thumbs tucked into his pockets after slowly unbuttoning the top button to his thick shirt. Eren swallowed thickly as the policeman flexed all fingers of one hand, beckoning him toward him and away from the group. Eren slowly made his way over to the man, who had jet black hair, sharp features and an intensity beneath his calm expression.

The 'officer’ didn’t look the slightest bit amused by Eren’s group of friends goading them both on to “get naked” and “start throwing the cash around”, so Eren smiled almost apologetically as he approached.

“Eren Yeager?” the man asked. Eren nodded in confirmation that that was indeed his name.

“That’s me.”

“I have an order for your arrest,” the man started, looking at him sternly. Eren just looked at him and a grin begun to creep onto his face as he read him his Miranda rights. Eren didn’t question the act as he had the cool set of cuffs gently slipped around his wrists. The metal felt cool around his skin and the man’s hands felt like fire with their heat.

“So uh, Officer Ackerman was it?” Eren said once he was securely in the cuffs. “What am I under arrest for?” Eren asked suggestively, glancing over his shoulder while the room of his friends snickered and hooted. The officer leant beside Eren and spoke softly to him, informing him of his so called 'sexy’ crime.

The room of people watched as Eren’s eyes widened and his face paled to whatever the man had just said and he blinked slowly as if trying to get his head around it. Nonplussed would be the expression on Eren’s face as he was led out of the room, his friends quietening in confusion before all pushing at each other to press their noses against the window.

Eren could hear shreiking wails of crying and laughter as he was led outside into a genuine police cruiser, passing a buff blonde man in a tacky cop uniform on the way out.


	4. Road Rage

“I’m just saying, man. You gotta have some patien-”

“Jean shut the fuck up, I’m trying to- GOD DAMN IT GET OFF THE DAMN ROAD!” Eren yelled at a cyclist, who yelled back “Why don’t you come over here and make me, dickhead?”

Eren was getting more and more wound up the more he drove through the city. He hated city driving, traffic, cyclists, pedestrians, and ladies with prams, old people crossing and red lights. The city roads in particular were full of idiots and having one sat next to him backseat driving was not helping.

“Fucking idiots.” Eren muttered, indicating last minute and pulling in front of someone a little too closely, earning him a loud blare of a horn from behind.

“Oh go fuck yourself!” Eren yelled, throwing up a finger before looking through his rear view mirror, his face dropping instantly. Jean spun around in his seat and burst out into the most obnoxious laughter possible. Eren had just flipped off a policeman who was now getting out of his car and walking over.

“Shit shit shit.” Eren muttered, throwing his head back with a loud thud against the headrest. Jean just kept quiet as the officer approached. He was a tall, young man with freckles and a gorgeous smile, or so Jean thought. While Jean was too busy admiring Officer “Bodt”, Eren was busy receiving a fine or a road rage course.

He opted, angrily, for the road rage course instead of however many points on the licence and however much to pay for generally being an asshole behind the wheel. 

He arrived early, probably due to the fact he had sped the entire way there, and ended up sat in a stuffy classroom on a table for two next to some thirty-something, baby faced glare machine wearing an oversized jumper. He made Eren feel uncomfortable and his ugly haircut and black fingernails didn’t help. This dude was a complete weirdo.

“What you in for?” the man said, his voice surprisingly low despite his small stature.

“Flipping off a cop.” Eren shrugged. “You?”

The man laughed darkly and admitted he had threatened a cyclist for not riding their bike in in the bus lane despite preparing to turn right.

“Cyclists seriously need to take road awareness courses or something before they let them loose.”

“I couldn’t agree more. They need to educate people on how roads work, not just drivers. We wouldn’t be in this fucking class if they did. People would understand how it fucking works.” The man said, earning a laugh from Eren.

“Hey, I’m Eren, you’re not so bad.”

“Levi. Same back at you.”

Eren smiled and they spent the next few hours learning how to be considerate towards others on the roads, which for all intensive purposes was completely useless to aid in their anger towards idiots but did save them points and a fine.

At the end, Levi poked Eren as he was pulling his bag back over his shoulder. Eren looked at him questioningly.

“There’s a café across the street. Wanna get a drink?”

“Sure, why not.”


	5. Puppets

“Eren! Please!” Levi cried out in desperation.

“Come on, Levi, this is the only way to beat your fear…” said the young man on the slow approach to his scared sweetheart who was currently trying to put as many pieces of furniture between them as he could, frantically almost.

“No, fuck off and take that fucking thing with you!” He spat, backing further into his corner surrounded by dining room chairs and half of the table, the cloth pulled wonky from where he’d been in a rush to box himself in. Eren slowly and calmly remained where he was, daring not get any closer until Levi showed signs of relaxing.

“Take it off Eren.” Levi pleaded as he slumped against the corner.

“I can’t. You know that. This is the only way to face your fear.”

“You heard me, Eren. Take. It. Off!” Levi all but yelled, crumpling into a sobbing ball in the corner as Eren wiggled the adorable little paws on the fluffy coloured puppet encasing his right hand.

Sighing at the mess Levi had made, all in attempt to get away from a puppet, Eren took it off his hand and left the room to hide it, returning only to find Levi in the same position.

“Hey, Levi? It’s gone, I promise.” A sniffle came from the older man but no movement, so Eren manoeuvred his way through the chairs as quietly as he could and approached Levi like you would a frightened animal. Slow and quiet. 

“Shh, its okay. I’m sorry.” Eren cooed softly, wrapping his arms slowly around Levi’s shaking shoulders. He flinched ever so slightly but soon leant against Eren’s chest, gripping his shirt.

“I hate you.” Levi mumbled.

“I’m sorry, I love you.” Eren soothed him. Levi leant away and Eren gave him the space. He’d always get like this whenever puppets were nearby. Eren wasn’t able to take him anywhere there might possibly be children’s entertainment or toy shops. Shopping trips would always involve Eren scouring the centre first to ensure there weren’t any toy shops and asking the facilities management team whether they would have any pop-up puppet stands in the foyers during their visits. How much of this planning Levi knew about was uncertain, but he always trusted Eren when he said he did his research.

Levi leant away and gave Eren’s shoulder a shove, still a little disgruntled at his earlier stunt.

“I don’t understand why this is so fucking difficult to get over.” Levi huffed, his frustrations slowly leaving him.

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll just keep getting you used to it slowly. Even if it takes years.”

“You’re gonna stick around that long to find out if I even do get over it?”

Eren scoffed. “I’ve been around this long already, don’t ask silly questions.” He said as he pulled Levi into another hug. Levi just kept quiet but slowly snaked his hands around Eren to return the hug.

“Thanks by the way, for helping.”

“No problem, like I say, I love you and I’d do anything for you.”

“Heh. Love you too."


	6. Doctor & Nurse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt : Riren "I'm Pregnant"

“I’m what?”

“Pregnant.”

“I’m pregnant, are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“But… we.. I…”

“It’s a lot to take in, but the tests have confirmed it. I’d suggest sleeping on it and taking it from there.”

“Yeah, okay. You’re right.” The woman picked up her prescription and stood to leave. Levi wished her well and waved her off, standing to remove his gloves and wash his hands. As he was towelling off, one of the surgery’s nurses came through the door with a small tray, resting it on his desk with the fresh tools he requested.

“Hey, Doctor Ackerman…” came a low voice from behind him. Levi smiled to himself, turning around to meet the bright eyed, scruffy brown haired Eren Yeager leaning against his desk, dishevelling the paperwork. He slowly sauntered over to the young man, probably in his mid-twenties and fresh out of med school. He was certainly the best looking piece of nurse in his surgery, but he’d never admit it to anyone other than Eren himself.

“Well well well, what do we have here? You know I have a client at noon, right?” Levi said, looking at his watch to register the time as eleven-forty-eight.

“Yeah, we got time though.” Eren said, stretching his arms out as soon as the Doctor was close enough, slipping his fingers beneath the lapels on the front of his white coat. Levi simply moved closer still, stopping only when Eren’s thighs parted for him to stand between them, his legs touching the edge of his desk.

“Yeah, time for getting caught.” Levi said, looking the young man in the eye, who held the eye contact just as well.

“Well what about after your noon appointment?” Eren asked, trailing a finger down the edge of Levi’s neck, teasing him playfully, a small grin tugging at his mouth. Levi shuffled on the spot, lips pursing slightly as his eyes raked down the willing nurse before him. He should probably know better, being almost twice his age, but the attraction was mutual, even if they weren’t exclusively dating.

“How about you take me up on that date offer?” Levi asked. Eren squinted at him for a short moment, as if thinking it over. Levi had asked perhaps a hundred times, but the only thing their adventures had ever amounted to was a daily amount of flirting and getting a little frisky a few times on Levi’s desk.

“What if I say I’ll think about it if you give me a kiss?” Eren asked, smiling almost too innocently. It was Levi’s turn to squint at the younger man.

“I don’t trust you to keep your hands to yourself.” Levi said. He wanted Eren, but he wasn’t stupid. Eren made a deliberate display of sitting on his hands, smiling at Levi as innocently as he could.

“Fine,” said Levi as he leant over to press a kiss against the brunet’s lips, resting his hands on the younger’s thighs as he did so. As promised, Eren kept his hands securely under his bum, and Levi pulled back a moment later, his thoughts instantly being interrupted by a knock on the door.

They instantly straightened themselves up, stood off from each other and Levi’s desk and made themselves look busy.

“Uh, yes. Come in.” Levi called from his chair. Eren was leant over scribbling on a sheet of paper on his desk, presumably pretending to fill out a form. One of the other nurses poked her head through the door.

“Sir, your twelve o'clock is here.”

“Thank you, send them through.” He said, the nurse leaving the door ajar. Eren swiftly planted the sheet of paper to one side and smiled at Levi as he disappeared from the room, flashing him a dazzling smile and offering a cheeky wink as he turned the corner into the hall.

Levi sat back and waited for his patient to arrive when something on his desk caught his eye.

Eren had written on the form.

_Dinner after work. You’re buying._


	7. Kiss Me

So I spent the evening observing all of Mikasa and Eren’s friends and came to the following conclusions.

Sasha, the brunette with the over-eating disorder and a high metabolism is dating Connie, the sports nut with the three-mil cut hair. Her favourite food is pringles, their friends merging Connie’s surname Springer together with that piece of potatastic information to form the glorious couple name: Springles. These two have way too much energy at any given point of the day. Probably related to the amount of caffeine they ingest.

Annie, Reiner and Bertolt are like three peas in a pod. I may even have to check if they are fused at the hipbones, because they never part. Unless Annie is busy avoiding attention by buying drinks or filling her face with nachos at the back of the room. Bertolt usually accompanies her, whereas Reiner is the somewhat more socially skilled member of the trio. He speaks the most.  
Christa and Ymir. One sweet, one salty. One feminine, one probably has a dick under her skirt. Pretty straightforward.

Jean and Mikasa, the other couple here consists of my baby cousin Mikasa, the strong silent type and her obnoxiously loud boyfriend Jean who resembles every single male pop band’s lead singer in history. Combined.

Then there’s Marco who’s hopelessly in love with the ever oblivious Jean. He’s sensible enough and has been taking the drinking easy. He’s with Mikasa tonight playing ‘mother hen’, making sure their drunken babies make it home to their cribs before sunrise. I guess someone’s gotta be the designated caretaker in such a large group.

Finally there’s Mikasa’s best friend Eren, who I get along with best out of the lot. I’d heard of him a few times from Mikasa when we’d had lunch when I was in town but never met him until tonight. Everyone was busy in their own little groups within the group, so Eren and I walked side by side on the way to the station and chatted, finding we had a lot more in common than I’d have originally thought.

On the outside he appears to be a well groomed, cocky young lad-type with his footy tee and youthfully messy-styled hair, but he’s got depth, which he’s not afraid to express. I like that. He’s passionate and doesn’t stop sharing that passion with me the entire way to the station. Sure he’s just as noisy as the rest of them, but I found him comfortable to be around the moment we fell into step after leaving their flat.

I opted to wear a black sweater over a thin vest since it’s still pretty hot these nights, paired up with some baggy black shorts that show off my leg tattoos and black converse. I notice Eren hasn’t stopped staring at my legs since I arrived at his flat a couple of hours ago. Little does he know…

“Come on, you two! The train’s almost here!” Connie called from across the station lobby. We swiped ourselves in and rushed to the platform, diving into a train before it departed. Eren and I remained glued together the whole night, talking about whatever came up, speaking only with one another unless one of us was actively pulled into the group conversation.

We attended a pleasant, although loud dinner which led to drinks at the joining bar. I found myself enjoying Eren’s company more and more as the night went by. Mikasa had told me he was currently single, so I couldn’t help but find myself getting ahead of myself, staring after him wistfully, wanting. I reserved my doubts for another time and tried my best to enjoy his company as best I could without appearing too desperate. I didn’t want to scare him off. He’s definitely easy on the eyes and the ears when he’s not yelling or being rowdy with his friends.

Throughout the evening I find my ears and cheeks heating up whenever he would place a hand on my shoulder or our hands would brush. I felt like an idiot for getting shitty butterflies in my stomach whenever that brat would look at me across the table, or run to catch up to me as I made my way back up to the bar for another drink.

We eventually left the bar at around ten and Sasha comes up with the awful idea of going to Karaoke. By now, with some booze in me, as well as everyone else, we all agree. Eren brushes his hand against mine before carefully slipping his fingers through mine, holding my hand. I swallow thickly, but don’t pull away. We’re at the back of the group so it’s not as if anyone’s looking in our direction.

Once in our room, Eren squashes everyone up by pushing up against me, thus pushing me against Mikasa and vice versa. Once comfortable and drinks have been ordered through strict instructions to not buy shots, we begin. It’s funny, I’ll give the group of friends that. We sing in groups, pairs and singles and some of the results are hilarious.

Highlights are: Eren and Jean singing ‘Lucky’ and Jean practically undressing his girlfriend with his eyes while Marco wistfully and silently does the same to Jean.

Ymir goes for some eighties ballad, Mikasa sings a slow number for Jean and Eren does his best, drunken rendition of 'Summertime Sadness’. Oh, the final highlight being how Christa and Bertolt sang 'Kiss Me’ in front of everyone and Eren just stared at me the entire time from across the table, an unusual look in his eyes, inviting almost. I had to finish a drink a little prematurely after that number.

By the time we made it home and it was just Jean, Mikasa, Eren and myself, and we’d gotten ready for bed, Mikasa said as she returned to the living room: “Yeah sorry about the small flat, I set you up an air bed in Eren’s room.”

“That’s fine.” I told her and wished her a good night. Eren got up too, so I followed. It was late, so we headed down the hall to Eren’s room. Jean and Mikasa had already retreated into their room and shut the door.

“You know, I have a double, if you wanted to sleep in an actual bed?” Eren offered. I pulled my sleeves down a little and felt myself sobering swiftly. I found myself nodding regardless of the worries swirling through my head and Eren scooted under his teal-coloured duvet. The bed was a double, but against the wall, so he had to scoot over so I could sleep by the edge.

“Makes sense I guess. Those air beds aren’t all that comfortable.” Eren said, smiling as I got into bed beside him. We spent the night quietly talking, laying side by side. That same comfortable feeling from earlier in the evening returned and I found myself lying on my back and telling him all my little quirks, likes, dislikes and even somewhat more private details. Eren shared all of his minute details too, which I greedily accepted.

“I guess we probably should get some sleep here soon…” Eren said quietly. I leaned up to switch the bedside lamp off, but the moonlight still fed into the room, gently lighting the edges of the surfaces it touched, including the curve of Eren’s jaw. Our plans of sleeping however disappeared as we lay there, talking more. I noticed Eren reposition to lean on his elbows, lying on his front, but what I didn’t notice was when he got so close.

I felt my throat growing dry as he pressed closer still. I remained completely silent, lying on my back with my face turned ever so slightly in his direction, his eyes darting down to my lips and back to my eyes, as if asking permission. Frozen in place and my heart thrumming through my ears, I held the eye contact, looking down at his own lips. I wanted him to kiss me.

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in as he pressed his lips carefully and slowly against my own. They felt warm and smooth, even if his breath did smell a little like toothpaste mixed with a faint tang of alcohol. He remained in the same position, propped up on his elbows as he gently kissed me in the dark. I too made no attempt at moving but tenderly returned the gesture, moving my lips against his in accommodation, soft hums of approval coming from the both of us.

At some point I had closed my eyes and Eren had pulled away, only for me to pull him back down, the pair of us sharing a somewhat more heated kiss. Breaking apart some long moments later and only for breath, we both let out a small, quiet laugh and Eren flopped down onto his front, nuzzling the side of his face against the side of mine, slowly wrapping an arm around my waist. I carefully moved a hand to stroke the hair from his eyes, stroking his cheek with a huge grin on my face (thankfully hidden by the dark).

“Good night, Levi.” Eren said, for which I was thankful he had no intentions of taking this any further tonight.

“Good night,” I said, curling into his chest and letting him hold me until morning…


	8. Schlongfic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The infamous attempt at smut writing.

“Eren let’s have sex.” Levi announced when he got home. He couldn’t wait to have that glorious love muscle back inside him and as it was, Eren was already lying around lazily stroking his meat stick on the sofa. The sight of Eren with his legs spread wide and his fingers wrapped around his tan banana made Levi’s own wang doodle throb in his pants. Levi slowly tilted his head to the side and Eren regarded him with a lustful look through heavily lidded eyes, straining to see past his own lashes.

Levi couldn’t tear his eyes away from the brown haired beauty as he pulled his impressive thundersword out into full display. Eren’s meter long, King Kong dong, as Levi liked to imagine it, was exactly as it read on the label. Monstrous. Sure, his own donger was pretty impressive but it was nothing compared to that wonderful custard launcher between Eren’s legs. He couldn’t wait to have it inside him. Launching custard like a single barreled, pump action bollock.

“You still ready for me?” Eren asked eventually. Levi nodded and in true, Bruce Almighty style, swiftly shed himself of all clothes in one fluid motion. He pulled the fuck wand out from his ass he’d put there earlier to keep himself prepared and waved his ass over toward Eren’s lap, hovering just above his steamin’ semen truck as Eren lined everything up. Once he’d maneuvered himself onto Eren’s thick, pulsing flesh flute, he played it with gusto, riding the shit out of that wiener, and loving every minute of it. Levi could ride the baloney pony all day as long as it was Eren’s.

In the meantime, Levi’s own purple-headed yogurt flinger was slapping his stomach and bobbing up and down, peppering his groin and lap like a rock solid heat-seeking moisture missile, it’s sole purpose to make as much mess as possible. Levi groaned and prayed nothing would get on the sofa. That is until Eren’s whoopie stick slammed straight into his private eye, making his vision blur white as he coated the coffee table like a hotdog being assaulted by a mayonnaise gun.


	9. Writing Threesome Like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry.

“Eren get off my junk, man!” Jean protested as his wing wang doodle was groped. “You too, you little choad.” He squirmed between the two horny men as they laughed, sandwiched as soon as he’d been let into their apartment, pushed against one by the other as multiple parts of his face, neck and mouth were assaulted with kisses, bites and bruising suckles. Jean jerked his his hips back against Levi’s when he felt Eren’s hand rubbing against his Jimmy and instantly felt Levi’s wood up against the back of his thigh. He was already rock hard. Fuck.

This didn’t bode well for Jean’s resolve. His personal sense of self control was astounding, especially since his two boyfriends had an impressive package between them, and it wasn’t him. Eren’s schlong dongadoodle was an impressive eight inches, which so rightly matched his cocky nickname of ‘the Destroyer’, (which is how Jean’s arse felt after bottoming,) whereas Levi’s just above average six inches of spawn hammer was thicker than a lot of pork swords Jean had taken.

Jean bit back a moan as Eren pressed against his body’s full front length, kissing him deeply and fiercely before his hands were pulling at his shirt as Levi’s hands snuck around his waist to unfasten his belt. Between Levi’s rod poking him in the ass and Eren’s hot beef pressing against his own, Jean felt flustered and flushed red all over in no time flat.

“You ready for Excalibur?” Eren drawled into Jean’s ear after biting his earlobe, making him shudder whilst Levi pushed his baggy jeans past his ass and helped himself to a handful of his toned, perky arse cheek. There was a reason Levi was usually behind Jean. He was an ass man and Jean was a religious squatter. “Or would you prefer Veinous Maximus over there?”

“Did you just call my dick what I think you did?” Levi shot Eren a glare from around the side of Jean’s arm as the taller man writhed between them. Eren shot back with a cheeky wink and a smile.

“I did, what of it?”

“Say it again.” Levi purred as he leant in for a kiss to Jean’s side, locking faces with Eren whilst he tucked a hand beneath Jean’s boxers to start stroking his one-eyed wonder weasel.

“What do you say, Jean. Thundersword or Krull the Warrior King?” Eren asked, not bothering to wipe Levi’s spit from his mouth as Levi crouched down to wedge his face between those perfect bum cheeks, making Jean yelp pathetically, the noise instantly being devoured and swallowed whole by Eren.

“Pah! Haa, mm…” Jean moaned between heavy panting breaths as Levi worked him open, freeing his own dude piston as Eren held Jean’s cheeks wide. Jean pawed pathetically at Eren’s purple-helmeted man noodle which was far from cooked and limp, wedged firmly between their stomachs, smearing pre-come around generously like body lotion.

Levi pulled back, satisfied at his preparation work and they all moved somewhere that wasn’t the hallway, also with the front door still open, to resume their play. Jean was now completely pliant beneath the two male’s touches his resolve finally blowing away like ashes in the wind, allowing himself to be taken where he was led. He gasped as Levi pressed his firm, veined cigar into his stretched hole, tears streaming down his cheeks as they always did when he took Levi first.

Eren cupped his cheek and wiped the tears away, positioning ‘little Eren’ across Jean’s face, instructing him to suck. It wouldn’t be long before Jean had two tallywhacker swords fencing within his abused meat grinder at the same time, his face and hair coated with semen and sweat. The final display came hard with a little help from a cock ring preventing his release throughout his double penetration, Jean jerkin’ his own gherkin for both his lovers, smattering himself silly like a chest hair canvassed Pollock painting.


	10. Eruri Angst

Levi sat slumped in his uncomfortable chair in the dark corner of the hospital room. It was one of those plastic coated, washable pieces with the light green, clinical colour. It matched the room dismally. The room was dark with the curtains drawn to retain what heat they could, the window not offering much respite from the bleak, frozen weather. It was just past the twilight hours and the nurses had long since left, Levi refusing to leave Erwin when he was so close. If he was going, he wanted to be here for it, and by the way Erwin had been recently it wouldn’t be long.

Erwin had always been a fighter, and it made Levi’s heart clench in agony whenever he saw his partner lying almost lifelessly in the hospital bed, his skin pale, eyes sunken in and his soft golden hair long gone, babylike wisps of hair being the only remaining strands on his head. The cancer had torn through his body in a matter of weeks, leaving very little time to grow used to the idea of Erwin being gone. They had attempted a heavy dose of chemo once he had discovered the tumour but to no avail, it had already crept into the depths of his bones.

He didn’t have long at all, yet here he was still. Fighting.

“Levi,” came a quiet voice from the bed in the centre of the room. It held a request that Levi instantly understood, so scooted his chair forward, as close as he could get it, his knees pressed against the side of the bed as he slipped his hands into that of his lover’s. Erwin hated Levi seeing him like this, but despite his best protests, he couldn’t get him to stay away. Much like his terminal disease, keeping Levi from his side in his worst moments was a battle lost long before it had even begun.

“What is it? Do you need anything to drink? Do you need more morphine?” Levi asked, rubbing his thumb gently over the back of Erwin’s cold hand. His circulation had begun growing weak recently, leaving his fingers and toes painfully cold even in the warmest of rooms. Erwin simply blinked slowly, not having the energy to even shake his head once or voice a polite decline to Levi’s attentions.

“Do me a kindness, Levi.” Erwin said, startling Levi into silence, sitting rigidly in his seat, stunned.

“What? No.” Levi said, glaring at the older man.

“A pillow should work.” Erwin said quietly, wincing in pain which caused Levi’s chest to contract tightly.

“No.” Levi refused. Erwin simply looked up through his tired eyes, hoping to portray his resignation to the disease. Levi sat silently, staring into Erwin’s eyes as if he were telepathically receiving every drop of information there was to be given. Erwin was giving up. A fighter, giving up. Levi wouldn’t allow it. He couldn’t. This wasn’t Erwin, this wasn’t his Erwin. “This is just the shitty cancer talking. Snap out of it.” Levi said, the tremble in his voice and the slight shake of his hands around Erwin’s disobeying his stern demeanour.

He wasn’t ready for Erwin to go, let alone be the one to make it happen.

“Levi. Just once, listen to me. Please.” Erwin said softly, maintaining eye contact with his younger love even if the man himself couldn’t hold it for long. Levi looked down at his hands wrapped around Erwin’s, a tear falling across his pale cheek. He made no attempt to wipe it, letting it fall onto the stark white sheet by their hands.

“Why can’t you let the cancer take you out? Why are you giving up?” Levi asked so quietly Erwin almost missed it.

“Let’s just say I didn’t get a choice where it came to the cancer, but I would like to dictate my own death. It’s the last real choice I have left.” Erwin said honestly, giving Levi’s hand as much of a squeeze as he could muster the energy for. It wasn’t much, but Levi felt it, only causing more tears to spill, now freely from both eyes. “You’re the only one I would ask of this.” He said. Levi finally looked up at him, sniffling.

“I don’t want you to go,” said Levi.

“I know, but I have to.”

There was a long pause between the two lovers before Levi finally broke down, slumped over Erwin’s bedridden lap. He sobbed hoarsely and unabashed as Erwin did his best to stroke his hand over the man’s black hair. Levi eventually sat upright and wiped his face off with a tissue from the nightstand, pressing a long, soft kiss onto Erwin’s chapped lips. It was a farewell.

“Alright. Just once, I’ll listen.”


	11. Angel

“Mm, you smell nice.” Levi hummed with agreement as Eren kissed and laved up the pale length of Levi’s neck, his hands on the younger man’s shoulders as he was manoeuvred into bed.

“Citrusy, huh?” Eren smiled against Levi’s lips, his hands still smelling faintly of the fruit salad he’d prepared earlier, peeling oranges, apparently. At least that’s what he’d told Levi he’d been doing. Thank the heavens Levi didn’t actually check the fridge before he’d gotten him to the bedroom. That would have royally rumbled him. Once Levi was suspicious it was so difficult to gain his trust again, even if he was only playing with him.

The man hated surprises.

So much so, that Eren threw him a surprise birthday party the first year they’d been together, and Levi straight up punched his mother in the face. By accident, since they all scared the living day lights out of him, but still. Surprising Levi, lovingly or not, ended in horror stories.

That didn’t stop Eren from trying, though. He loved to surprise his lover with little doting gestures or sweet words, and today’s gesture was fully intended to be a delightful type of surprise. Not the type that would result in a punch to his mother’s face. Or his own, hopefully.

Thankfully the thought of being punched in the face never crossed his mind, as it was far too pre-occupied with getting Levi into position, which was going well. Kisses grew heated and Levi began writhing underneath him, thrusting his hips up in gentle movements to tease and seek friction. Shirts flew and trousers were shed along with Levi’s boxers and Eren loomed above his gorgeous hunk of a (5"3) man with lust blown pupils and a devilish smirk plastered across his face.

“What do you say we get the cuffs out tonight?” Eren suggested, hands trailing down Levi’s arms as he kissed his collarbones. Levi shifted a little beneath him and shrugged.

“Not the cuffs, maybe just the silk rope instead?”

Thank the sex gods that Levi was in the mood for being bound tonight, otherwise he’d be respecting his wishes and simply banging him tonight. Lovingly, though. Making love-banging. Love bang-making.

Rough sex, in English for the ‘too long, did not read’ version.

Levi patiently awaited Eren to finish securing his wrists, giving them an experimental tug to ensure their tightness. Eren always tied them in such a way that Levi would always be able to get free by slackening the bindings. Not that Levi was in any sort of mental state to do anything other than tug at his wrists whenever they were tied. Not with what Eren usually did with that 'majestic tongue’ of his.

Eren knelt above Levi’s thighs, boxers pitching an impressive tent that Levi stared at, pretty much salivating. He was holding an additional strip of fabric, a blindfold. Levi smirked and obeyed, allowing Eren to cover his eyes.

“Words, love?”

“Pickles to slow down, Onions to stop.”

“Good boy.” Levi’s chest rose heavily with the anticipation, his breathing growing heavier as Eren went down on him, teasing his nipples and stroking his cock, thumbing pre-come around the head as a small means of lubrication. Not that Eren would need to worry about it for long.

He scooted down the bed and continued to wet things up by taking Levi’s length into his mouth, all in one, like a complete champion. Both men groaned, Levi’s less controlled than Eren’s, whose was more for pleasurable effect for the other than himself.

(Eren was one of those religious tongue-brushers, twice daily with every brush of his teeth. The man had next to no gag reflex. Levi had struck gold with that one.)

Anyway, while Eren was busy stroking Levi between sucks and licks, he grabbed a little something from the top drawer of the nightstand. Levi assumed it was lube, until Eren begun sucking away again, only this time it felt as if he had something wet and squishy around his cock.

Nothing could have stopped the guttural groan that rumbled deep from Levi’s chest, the sensations of whatever the fuck Eren had wrapped around his cock, twisting and tugging and his mouth sucking firmly on the tip of his cock. Levi experienced multiple waves of pleasure from multiple different sensations.

He had the wet soft feeling gripping and loosening around his cock, the heavy warm feeling of Eren lying over his legs, his hand trailing up his side to toy with a nipple as he administered this mind-blowing technique. Not being able to see anything didn’t matter much, only added to the sensations. Levi could smell that same citrusy scent from earlier and had deduced that Eren was using some sort of citrus fruit with his blow job.

The main thing that had Levi pulling hard at his restraints and what ultimately tipped him over the edge, however, were the noises. Damn the noises were downright sinful, lewd and debauched.  
Slippery, sloshy slapping noises complete with the sound of Eren sucking, mixed together with the juices of the fruit, as if he weren’t sucking a dick but a slurpie, and loudly too.

The other feeling that had caught Levi’s attention quicker than he’d ended up coming, was how his entire groin felt like it was on fire in the immediate moments afterwards. He’d probably sprayed Eren’s pretty little face with his come, but he couldn’t enjoy it since he writhed around uncomfortably as the pain grew stronger.

“Fuck, Eren… What was that?”

“Ha, you liked?”

“Eren, it burns, what the fuck did you use?”

“Wow, orgasm that good huh?”

“Onions Eren, fuck! Untie me!” Eren sobered in an instant and immediately pulled Levi free of the restraints, the older man flinging off his blindfold to find Eren with a face covered in bits of pulp from a very abused looking thick slice of grapefruit. He inspected his limp manhood to find it reddening into an aggressive rash.

Levi groaned as he stormed out to wash and coat himself in anti-itch cream for the next week. Eren would forever laugh at him whenever they passed grapefruits in the grocery store.  
Said laugh at Levi would always be followed by a punch. To the face.

The laughs didn’t last long.

–

And that’s how they found out that Levi was allergic to grapefruits!


End file.
